The Western Philosophical tradition is heavily indebted to Plato, so far that Alfred North Whitehead is credited with having quipped that “The safest general characterisation of the European philosophical tradition is that it consists of footnotes to Plato”. Plato was so inclusive in his discussions that he did not only touch upon ontology and education, but even advertised a conception of how reproduction within a just republic should be organised. The most basic sketch of this sees those with the highest merit (intellectual as well as fitness) and within the correct age come together once a year in an orgy like setting, where they would be married for a short period of time in order to beget a child. This process shall ensure that the best genes are given to the next generation and also that all children are born around the same time in the year, so that they can be easily taken away from their parents and raised as children of the republic. For the rest of the year sex was without much taboos, as long as it would not result in pregnancy. So if we do go with Whitehead’s characterisation of Western Philosophy, then it begs the question what are the footnotes on sex that later philosophers might add.
Kant’s Categorical Imperative
This one depends a little bit on your preconceived ideas of the morality of sex in general, but is otherwise very straightforward. Would you think it good if everyone would be doing it when they wish to do so? If no, don’t do it. If yes, then there you go, just do it.
Rawls – Traditional Romance
One cannot help but think that Rawls, who compares love and justice, and highlights our willingness to be vulnerable in love is not a romantic. And whilst he would never ask you to follow this particular conception of the good, he does repeatedly stress the importance of starting in the original position.
Hegel – Kinky Dialectic
On the face of it, the founder of the dialectic might seem to simply advocate the old proverb “opposites attract” in order to achieve successful procreation. However, if you only look slightly deeper you will find that Lordship and Bondage is where Hegel is truly in his element.
Marx – Abstinence for the Revolution?
Religion is the opium of the people. This might have been true in the 19th century, but it seems surpassed in the 21st. By now a better characterisation might be stemming from Frank Underwood, who said: “Everything is about sex, except sex which is about power”. Taking this to its logical conclusion, Marx might find himself a surprised advocate of abstinence and a few supporters shorter.
Marcuse – False Needs
If it’s 3am and you find yourself ashamed of your browser history, you might want to ask whether the liberation you sought was truly the liberty to fulfil your desires or rather liberty from sexual desires.
Levinas’ The Other
The recognition of the Other, Levinas writes, ordains us and leads to the feeling of utmost responsibility for them. An appeal to think of the needs of your partner, but before you wholeheartedly embrace this selflessness, beware that Levinas explicitly states that you should not expect any reciprocity.
Wittgenstein – There is no private language
If you now decide to wish for something more selfish, you might not want to remember Wittgenstein. According to him everything exists in a shared form, as language dictates what exists, and language needs to be public. So without a private language there cannot be self- harm, but also there is little room for masturbation.
By Louis Ray Leary
The Bell 